Oh
Boy!!! I am very sorry for being so neglectful the last month. Since my last
post a lot has happened. Not every one of our appointments went the way we
thought they were going to go and while being in such limbo with everything I
just couldn't bring myself to post any blogs. So here you go...the last months’
worth of appointments, updates and emotions.
August
2, 2012
Our
yolk sac appointment...well it went great!!! I was privileged enough to have
the wonderful company of my surro sister and one of my best friends, Danielle.
Yes the same Danielle who came to my transfer! She is so amazing, she has taken
off work twice for me now so I wouldn't have to go alone...AMAZING! So we make
it into the exam room and I undress from the waist down and prepare myself for
the weenie wand...oh joy...at least the person who does our ultrasounds is a woman,
and no offense to men but you just don't know what it feels like cause you
don't have the lady goods...so doing these exams, you don't know what is too
rough and what isn't, lol. This appointment was very special to me, not that
the others aren't, but this time was the first time I skyped with Roberto and
Mauro. I hadn't seen them since our match meeting in January! It was really
great :) As the exam is completed we get the great news that everything is on
track and their little guy is forming inside of me :)
Beautiful Yolk Sac!!!
August
14, 2012
Our
heartbeat ultrasound came very quickly, which is always a good thing in the
beginning!!! This exam went very fast, which I don't particularly like. She
found the heartbeat very fast, we heard it for a quick second and that was it.
I was able to once again skype during this appointment, but just with Roberto
who then recorded the appointment and sent it to Mauro. Little man at this
point had a strong heartbeat of 98 bpm which is a great number for your first
ultrasound :)
Little man growing!!!
August
23, 2012
7
week appointment :) This was the appointment that made me question my faith. As
we are getting through the exam and the measurements for his size are being
taken, the doctor is becoming more and more concerned with size. He tells us
that he has a great, strong heartbeat at 140 bpm but then won't say anything
else. He just says to get dressed and meet him in the conference room to talk
about the scan...hmmmm...that can't be good. During this appointment I didn't
skype with the guys. The previous appointments were very short and I got VERY
overwhelmed with everything going on. I am so lucky and blessed that R and M
were ok with me not wanting to skype during the upcoming appointments. As we
make it into the conference room the doctor proceeds to tell us that little man
is measuring a few days behind which is worrisome. WORRISOME....that's the word
you decide to use...hmmm...Needless to say, I was worried. He said he wanted me
back in a week for another scan and we would discuss our options from there. I
have never felt so sick in my life, because after that news I had to go sit in
the car and tell R and M what happened at our appointment. No matter how many
times people, doctors and friends tell you that you are doing everything you can
and doing everything perfectly and none of it is your fault, you always have
doubts that maybe I could have or should have done something different. All
that next week I went over in my head EVERYTHING that I did and googled
EVERYTHING. I kept thinking that maybe the doctor did the scan wrong or maybe
if I had slept 2 more hour a week before that maybe that would have given him
the boost he needed to grow. So many thoughts and I can't even imagine how R
and M felt. I tried so hard to be calm through our messages and I really hope I
was. Being a surrogate is HARD...I have experienced emotions that I NEVER
thought I would. Totally worth every one of them but at that point in time when
you have news like that, that you then have to share with the IP's is
terrifying. Staying calm for everyone else and not being able to freak out is
hard. I keep trying to explain to my friends and family that the emotions from
this pregnancy are completely different then when I was pregnant with my son.
This isn't my baby and I can't just say oh we will try again if something
happens...even though I would totally do as many transfers as I would need to
for the guys, it is just different. I am put in charge of taking this tiny life
and keeping him safe and in the best environment possible for 9 months...it is completely different because unlike myself who can obviously get pregnant
naturally, R and M can't...insert ME...and I just can't seem to explain those
emotions to people. And so...the week long wait begins...
August 29, 2012
8
week appointment...hold your breath...I sure did...as the exam began I was so
nervous...the first thing I did was spot the heartbeat...thank goodness, that's
one hurdle for the day....give me good news doc...congrats, little man is now
only 2 days behind!!! He has over tripled in size to make this come back :) I
cried like a baby when he said those words to me. The feeling of relief doesn't
even cover it. I now know that little man is a fighter and we are going to be
ok. The doctor wanted me back in another week just to double check his progress
and make sure he continues to go in the right direction. Strong heartbeat at
165 bpm :)
September 7, 2012
10
week appointment!!! Exam confirms that little man is now only 1 day behind and
the doctor is confident he will catch up 100%! At this appointment we were able
to make a video. I will post the video in a different blog
post soon. At this appointment Dr. Boostanfar released to to my regular OB!!!
And we were given end dates for our meds, woot woot!!! As much as I loved the
meds, lol with sarcastic giggle, my meds were not even half as bad as some of
the meds other surrogates have to take. I would have done what ever we needed
to do to make a baby for R and M but I will admit that my meds rocked...but I
got burnt out on them...the side effects from each set were crazy!! But being
able to see a light at the end of the meds tunnel is AWESOME!!!
Such an amazing feeling seeing little man on the screen, we even saw him moving around, which you will be able to see on our video :)
What
an unbelievable month. So crazy with everything I can't even explain most of my
emotions. I am just so happy for Roberto and Mauro :) Thank you for all your
patience with me and my lack of blog posts...but I should be pretty regular
now!!! Happy reading and happy growing to this little man!!!
~Rachelle
